These crucial stages are all about connection, attachment, and making sense of the brand new world around him. He isn't quite ready for trucks or trains yet, but he is ready for the love and attention that will give him "an emotional head start." So learn all about his rhythms and moods, listen to his feelings, give lots of hugs and cuddles, let him know it is OK to feel sad or afraid sometimes, play games that build emotional connection (such as peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake), comfort him when he is upset, and explore the exciting world together when he's happy.

During this stage, your son will be learning all about himself, including what it means to be a boy. So make sure he has a wide range of male role models, who can show him a wide range of great ways to grow up as a boy into a man. If we want boys to be able to have "emotional literacy" and to be capable of genuine intimacy as they grow older, they need to see men expressing affection, men nurturing children, and men with close friendships. At this stage you may begin to notice some differences in the way boys play; compared to girls, some boys focus more on objects and actions than on people and relationships in their games. As he starts to play with cars, trucks and other toys, you can keep the emotional connection going by having your own truck that rolls alongside his (or sometimes gently crashes into his!).

This stage can mean a sudden explosion of "boy energy," so be prepared with lots of outdoor time, and-- if possible--indoor spaces that are safe for running, jumping, and getting a little wild. Tumbling mats and soft pillows are great. Set aside time for active play well before bedtime, so that his desire for high intensity fun does not happen at exactly the same time as your desire for quieting down.

This is the age of fantasy play, which for many boys is filled with good guy and bad guys, violence and destruction. Don’t panic! This type of play does not mean that your sweet child will grow up to be violent. As long as the play remains on the fantasy level, and children are using their creativity and imaginations, then this kind of game is just fine. Some mothers try to eliminate every expression of aggression from boys’ play, but that doesn’t work--and besides, if we got rid of all aggressive stories, we’d have to exclude stories from Shakespeare, the Bible, and even history books! In fact, even if the idea horrifies you, join in with those terrible games he loves, like ripping the heads off of action figures and hurling them down the stairs. You can jump in and say, "Oh no, Joe, you were my best friend, we've been through so many battles together, we have to call the medics to put your head back on!" Look, right then, in a few seconds, you have introduced themes of rescue, loyalty, and friendship, and the game isn't just about explosions and decapitations anymore. One more thing: Don't be alarmed or upset if your boy prefers a gentler form of play, dressing up in costumes or taking care of stuffed animals. All children benefit from this kind of play, and most boys don't get enough of it.

Recognize that your son is absorbing all sorts of information from TV and movies, including many messages about what is expected from boys and men. The media--and our own expectations--can give boys the wrong idea that there is only one very narrow definition of masculinity. All children value close connection with the people who take care of them. This does not mean that your young son will want to have long conversations with you about feelings! Learn to connect with him on his terms, in his ways--like playing catch, wrestling, sitting side-by-side fishing, or having an adventurous hike in the woods. When you see boys roughhousing, or see fathers and sons getting rowdy with rough and tumble play-- don't immediately yell at them to stop or to be careful. They might need to tone down the competitiveness or the aggression, but they may just be having a great time--in an old-fashioned guy kind of way. Watch and see if everyone is enjoying himself, if they are stopping if someone gets hurt or things are getting too rough, and if they seem to totally love this kind of play. Research shows that boys who engage in playful rough and tumble at home are more likely to do well in school. Moms--you might even want to join in the fun!