Thank you for your interest in PROJECT ZAMBI.
When you bring ZAMBI THE BABY ELEPHANT into your home, you may want to talk with your children about the importance of helping others and the many ways we can give back to help children in need. ZAMBI THE BABY ELEPHANT is a special toy because he is being sold to support organizations that benefit children who have been orphaned by the AIDS epidemic in Africa – but talking with your children about frightening subjects like sickness and children losing their parents can be difficult.
We know that sometimes it is confusing to know when and how to talk to children about topics such as AIDS. We as parents have to find the balance between protecting them from too much painful information that they can’t handle and promoting a sense of empathy, responsibility and community.
We know also that parents want their children to grow up with a sturdy sense of compassion to go along with their smart minds and strong bodies. So we’ve asked Lawrence Cohen, PhD, a psychologist and a member of Hasbro’s Play Panel of advisors, to offer some guidance on talking with your children about AIDS and other difficult topics.
Listen more than you talk
If you think your child might already be aware of the issues, you can begin by asking, "What have you heard about AIDS?" “What is your understanding of what an orphan is?” Give children the chance to express their own particular feelings and thoughts, which might be quite different than you expect. Once you have listened to their answers, you can ask, "What else would you like to know?" Even if you have tried to shield your child from such painful information, don’t be surprised if they have somehow picked up on it and are feeling confused or scared. It’s best to talk about it rather than assume your children are unaffected so that they don’t get the message that it shouldn’t be discussed.
Listen more than you talk - even when they ask questions
It’s normal to feel anxious when your child asks you about AIDS, about parents dying or about orphans. Take a deep breath, don’t panic and remember that you can take some time to think about your answer. It is fine to say, “That’s a very big question and I want to think about it some before I answer it.” And it’s very helpful, before you start answering, to ask the questions listed in the section above, namely, what do you already know about it and what do you think about it?
How do I know when my child is ready to hear about these topics?
You won’t know! But you can make an educated guess. If the topics have touched your own family, then you will want to talk about them as soon as you can. Children pick things up and it’s usually better to let them know what’s going on than to have them wonder and worry about it on their own. If they ask about it, then they are ready to discuss it.
If you think your child has been exposed to misinformation, then it is crucial to correct that information as soon as possible. If your child has handled other difficult topics, then you probably have a good sense of how they might handle this one. If a child gets very fearful, that doesn’t mean you spoke too soon. It just means that their inner fears got attached to this topic, and you can work to offer reassurance and feelings of safety.
Accentuate the positive
As part of discussing difficult topics, such as children who are suffering, be sure to point out the compassion and empathy shown by so many people eager to help. Even the most difficult topics have an uplifting side to them.
Offer reassurance
Offer reassurance about your child’s safety, but don't dismiss children’s fears by saying they are silly. Young children very naturally think about themselves when they hear about a child who has lost a parent. For example, if your child is worried about AIDS or death hitting your family, you could say, with confidence, “I can understand why you’re scared of that, but I am doing everything I can to keep you safe and I intend to be with you for a long, long time.” Of course, if your family is facing these issues then you must be honest and straightforward about it. You still offer reassurances where you can - such as that someone will always be there to take care of them.
Be honest
Be honest, but you don’t have to give “the whole truth.” It’s OK to say “I don’t know” when kids ask tough questions, such as “Why does this happen?” You can use your own religious or philosophical views to help you answer this, but it is also fine to say it is confusing to you, also. When thinking about how much information to give, the best rule is to follow their lead.
Express your values
Tragedies, like joys, clarify what is important to us. You might say, “When I hear about people helping children who need help it reminds me of how important it is to make sure every child gets what they need, and how important our family is to me.”
Be careful in your language
Children are very concrete and literal. If a child hears about children “losing their parents,” for example, they might panic if they hear you say you got lost on your way to a new place. Using “sleep” as a substitute for “death” can make children fearful of going to sleep.
Teaching and Encouraging Empathy and Compassion
Yes, empathy and compassion can be taught. But it is a lifelong lesson, and it is taught more by role-modeling than by lectures. If we are empathic with children, they are much more likely to be empathic to others. So nurture them when they are in pain, even if you think “it’s nothing serious.” To them, it is serious, and our empathy to them in those moments when they are sad or have fallen down or feel rejected or had a bad day will teach them to be compassionate.
Live your values
Let your children know how you contribute to solving the problems of the world, whether they are in your backyard (helping a neighbor) or across town (volunteering). Children five years old and up can help the family decide on a charity to donate money to, or contribute some of their own allowance. Go through your own stuff and their stuff (with their approval, of course) to make a giveaway pile.
Consider teaching about interdependence
We are all in this world together. Often “empathy education” focuses only on us (the lucky ones) giving to others (the unlucky ones), but we all need other people and we all have something to contribute. The children who designed the artwork for ZAMBI’s ears and the PROJECT ZAMBI bracelet need help growing up because their parents died of AIDS. But they had something to contribute, as well - their creativity. Talk about how this works in your own life: “Remember how Auntie Claire came to help us when your little brother was born? And you helped him find his toy when it rolled under the sofa? Well now we are going to help some other people, and that’s how the world goes ‘round’.”
You can also visit Children Now’s “Talking with Kids About HIV/AIDS” Web site at to get the facts and helpful tips on how to discuss this sensitive topic with your children
