Parenting Solutions
Why is My Child Scared?
What scares toddlers most? A dog, the dentist, the dark, the loud grocery-store clerk—just about anything has the potential to strike fear in a toddler, particularly if it is new, different, or something that they don’t understand. The question then becomes not, “What scares my child the most?” but rather, “How can I help?”
First, remember that children’s fears are often very real, although they may seem weird, silly, or out of proportion to you because you are an adult. If your toddler perceives something as a threat, it is real for her, and she will look to you to keep her safe.
Second, don’t force her to “face her fears.” Many parents think they are being helpful if they ignore their children’s communications about being afraid and push them to “do it anyway.” This will probably make the situation worse, and your toddler will become even more frightened. Also, she will begin to see you as unreliable and unpredictable when it comes to protecting her.
Third, don’t make fun of your child and her fears. You may find it amusing that she is scared of her brother’s pirate doll, particularly when he chases her with it. If it scares her, now is not the time to say, “He’s only teasing you,” or “Don’t be such a baby.” Even at their young age, toddlers can recognize your negativity and impatience. It’s important for her to feel you have heard her and that you respect her feelings. Again, it’s her perception that’s important, and if she perceives something as dangerous, take her seriously.
Last, keep in mind that taking her fears seriously does not mean letting her fears run the household. In other words, the fact that your toddler is scared of the pirate doll does not mean her brother has to get rid of it. In handling fear with your child, you must communicate three things: (1) your understanding that she is afraid; (2) reassurance that she is safe; and (3) that although she is not in any danger, she does not have to face her fear.
Dealing with Fear: A Scenario
Let’s look at the example of the neighbors’ new puppy. It has a loud, fierce bark and sort of leaps at the gate when your toddler goes near it. Incidentally, the dog is wagging his tail the entire time and is known to be quite gentle. Your toddler doesn’t know or care about that, though. She cannot tell you that she is scared in words, but she jumps and begins to cry when he starts barking. She runs to you and reaches her arms upward as if to say, “Pick me up and get me out of here!”
The wrong way to handle this would be to say, “Oh, he’s just a puppy dog. There’s nothing to be afraid of. He’s just like Granny’s dog. You’re not afraid of Granny’s dog.” To add insult to injury, you then put your toddler down and grab her hand. You drag her over to the gate and put your hand out to the dog, which immediately stops barking and begins wagging his tail. Then you say something like, “See? He’s not mean. Here, pat his head.” Your toddler is likely to scream and run.
Instead, try picking her up and soothing her. Tell her, “You must be very afraid of the dog.” As you remove her from the situation, you remind her, “You are safe here with Mommy. The dog won’t hurt you, but you don’t have to go over there.” Using this approach almost always guarantees that her fears won’t get further out of hand. As long as she realizes she is safe and that she can try again with the dog at another time, she is more likely to do so in her own time.
These articles provide information of a general nature only, and should be used only to supplement your knowledge. We hope you find the articles interesting, but Hasbro cannot guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in these articles. Nothing in these articles is intended as a substitute for professional medical advice. You should always consult with your own physician if you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child
