Parenting Solutions
Empowering Girls and Connecting with Boys
All children need roots and wings. They need encouragement to spread their wings so they can explore the world and be independent. And they need nurturing so they can plant their roots, feeling secure and connected to other people, part of a community. In general, we do a better job giving confidence to boys and comfort to girls. We need to balance this out, so that all children get roots and wings.
In an experiment in the 1970's, researchers told adults sitting alone in a waiting room that there was a baby sleeping in the next room. Half were told it was a baby girl, and half that it was a baby boy. Then they played a tape of a baby crying. Everyone heard the same tape. If the subjects of the study--men and women--thought it was a boy, they waited much longer to go in and check on the baby than if they thought it was a girl. In another study, a baby wearing a diaper and t-shirt was placed on a large table. Again, half of the subjects were told it was a boy, half were told it was a girl. If they thought it was a boy they let it explore much closer to the edge of the table before picking the baby up. I don't think researchers would get away with this last study nowadays, but overall I don't think our attitudes have changed that much. As in these studies, we still tend to promote boys exploring, at the expense of their comforting, and we promote girls getting comfort, at the expense of their exploration.
We don't need to take away the roots we give to girls or the wings we give to boys. but make sure your son gets to know that they have a secure home base, that they can always climb into your arms for a cuddle or a cry. And make sure your daughter has a chance to test out her strength and power, so that she can step out into the world with confidence. With boys, always begin and end any game--even roughhousing--with a handshake or a hug. And with girls, play games that foster physical strength and adventure.
